Time to Join the Bandwagon

A lot of blogs that I started reading around the time I moved this blog over to wordpress and started trying to post on a regular basis (a goal that was never quite realized) have recently closed up shop.

Some, I didn’t notice at all. For whatever reason, I’d been on haitus as a regular reader, then when I looked them up, they were gone or I’d find references to them ending in other blogs. It’s like returning home after a long vacation to find a good neighbor friend has moved away. No postcard, no return address. Just gone.

Then others, well it was just time to come to a close. People moving on with their lives, the original motivation and premise for the blog being gone (because life moves on). This is not to say that these same people may not appear again, but in a different guise with a different focus.

And well, it is now my turn. I know from reading my posts, there probably isn’t a clearcut theme that can be found. So in my case, this is more of a case of moving on. Refocusing myself on other things. Will I blog again? Yes. Would it be recognizable as me – perhaps. It is going to be tough at first. The temptation to be kamakula from time to time will be hard to resist. But I think it’s time he said goodbye.

And Life Keeps Moving

I’m still behind on my research work. Nothing new when it comes to that. Slow trudging work for now. I think like many other things, one of these days I’ll either go over an edge and suddenly things will feel like they are moving too fast. Or I’ll reach a dead end. Whichever way it happens, I that will be it for me.

I’ve improved my media system. With my usb enabled router running dd-wrt, I finally bit the bullet and got a 2TB drive. With a dual bay dock, I could potentially increase my storage by another 2TB. We’ll see what prices are like for black friday and Christmas. In the meantime, all of my existing media, apps, backups, and pictures can go there. And probably not even use more than 40% of the available space.

The xbox (running xbmc) is pretty awesome. . . but as more things are available in HD and when my projector finally dies, I will definitely want a HD solution. . and the ability to watch Hulu without needing my laptop. From what I’ve seen, roku is looking like an awesome solution. For just about $60 shipped, I can have a little box that will take care of all that. In fact, the roku box + my drive/dock combo and router all take up less space than the xbox uses now. So that’s another plus.

My cooking abilities just leveled up too. I’m getting better at making my faves. Time to start adding some more dishes to the usual repertoire. I’m also making steady progress on the debt front. . .though breaking my cars and having to fix those isn’t helping. . . But I guess that’s how you learn. And I suppose the more I do this, the more experience I get if I ever want to startup the hobby of flipping cars with major, but cheaply (in terms of parts, not time) fixable problems.

Speaking of hobbies, I haven’t worked on a robot or any programming project in a while. There is always the trinity competition and I’ve got a game to port to my newest platform of choice – Android. . . though I suppose I also want to do the iphone as well at some point. I tell myself that once things look good on the research front, I will devote more time to these. . .I guess we’ll see.

It is annoying just how obvious it feels right now that if I were working fulltime, I’d have the resources and free time to do so much of all of these things that are on hold or moving by so slowly. I suppose that should be motivation to make my current life choices worth it, or matter more than they feel like they do now.

This Doesn’t Have a Title

Yes, that’s right. This post does not have a title. Though it’s not a gimmick or device of some sort. I just couldn’t think of one. When I try to pick out a string of words to use, I end up experiencing the swirl of thoughts and only grasp random words. My past experience with the mind storm (that’s what I’m calling it here) – which I know despite sounding like “brain storm”, actually refers to an inability to generate ideas in my case, has usually been on tests or working on a difficult project or problem. I try to think of a complete solution, but my mind is too chaotic and I can’t really see much in the storm.

It is a frustrating experience and the way out is to stop and just start doing what you already know. Don’t worry about figuring out now the complete sequence of steps from start to finish, just begin. We all know the basics, usually of whatever it is we are attempting to do. So rather than obsess over figuring out a complete solution, I just start the problem. Write down what I know, the basic calculations or information you’re supposed to extract. . . and as you do this, something magical happens. You’re making progress. Putting one foot in front of the other and in many cases you arrive at a solution.

So, rather than spend the next few hours trying to figure out a title, I’ll just write. The title can sort itself out on it’s own. I republished some posts that I’d previously unpublished for various reasons. The short summary is that my gf and I had broken up, gotten back together, and now have broken up again.

I had a thought as I was prepping a late breakfast that all of my relationships seem to have fallen apart at the beginning or end of a school year. Though further reflection indicates this is likely just coincidence without any meaningful significance since I’ve been in relationships that lasted through those periods in other years. I guess the real takeaway is that I’ve been spending too much of my life in school, and perhaps to not enter into serious relationships until after i’m done.

Speaking of which, as of 4pm yesterday, I finished my comprehensive exams. We’ll get the official pass/fail email in a week. Of the four exams, I feel extremely good about two, pretty good about the third, and no so great about the fourth. I suppose I’d expected to do the worst on that one, but I still feel bad about it. Regardless, I think I’m still going to pass since I didn’t totally screw it up and I did well on the others. The minimum grade to pass is a 3.25. Given that I expect A’s on the other three, the only way I’d not end up with an average of 3.25 or better is to have gotten an F on the fourth.

Failure. If I was working full-time and after 3.5 years of work had a screw up that got me fired, I could likely get another job. You take a loss, but only of a few weeks to a few months of your life and earnings. If I screw up here, I lose 3.5 years. All gone. Because while this has been a goal and dream of mine, and has had great positive impact and experiences for me, it is not a process I intend to repeat. There aren’t markets for failed PhD candidates. You go back to whatever you were doing before or the jobs you could get if you’d done the smart thing and left school with just a BS or MS.

This reminds me of a webcomic which I think it’s about time to do my yearly catch up. BS – bullshit, MS – more shit, PhD – piled higher and deeper. Jumping completely to a different topic, I still have the morning food aversion. It appears if I eat slowly and small amounts, it is manageable. I’m pretty sure it just takes a few months of making myself eat every morning to get rid of it. I just don’t really have strong enough motivation to do so. Yeah, I’ve got some body fat I’d like to lose and eating regular, small meals including one at breakfast time is a good way to help implement that and manage energy levels and hunger throughout the day. . .but I think I’ll stick to the current plan of just ignoring the need to eat.

Or maybe not. Because following my current plan hasn’t really been working out for me. At least not in the short term, that’s not how it feels now. But what can I do? I think I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve learned to trust decisions I’ve made until I have an overwhelming reason to change my mind. I can’t remember what my dad said, but the last time I visited my parents, he asked a question or made a comment about something I was doing. And I gave him a couple reasons – which were not good enough. . . – but on the drive back, I kept thinking about it and realized or remembered that there were other considerations when I’d initially made up my mind. Which then fully explained to me why I did what I did. This has probably been a very vague description of what was going on, but the point is that though I may feel now sticking to a path is stupid or not worth it and can’t think of good compelling reasons why I should continue, in fact I have already thought through all of these things and so I should trust myself, as crappy as things my seem right now.

So perhaps this is why this post doesn’t have a title – or why the title is appropriate. There hasn’t really been a coherent topic of discussion. Just like the process of grasping for the title, this has been me jumping from idea to idea, thought to thought. I guess food for thought – just how much of this post is a reflection of an underlying or subconscious intent and how much is just a product of going ahead and trusting the process of “just do it and things usually work out”.

Tonights Game

How efficient is your liver? Fuck tomorrow, besides my only problem will be an inability to eat until the late afternoon. Nothing unusual there.

1. Pint of Guinness
2. Pint of Guinness
3. Jameson on the rocks
4. Jameson on the rocks
5. Wild Turkey on the rocks

Some observations:
a. jameson doesn’t have the kick it did two years ago.
b. neither does bourbon for that matter.
c. wtf did I eat today?
d. I should stay time stamping stuff – 2053.

6. Yukon Jack and sprite – 2104

e. Cat mittons are awesome!
f. I can understand Saul needing the booze now. I feel neutral now, like I’m in the matrix and just seeing the truth of everything standing in front of me. – 2114.

7. Makers neat.

g. Fuck on the rocks, I’m having my shit neat from now on. – 2117
h. Charlie and the waitress are awesome. I wish I could have someone like that where we could joke like that about our relationship. – 2123.
i. broke up a potential bar fight, well more like a best down. Made a new friend Charlie. Got a free makers! – 2102

8. Makers neat.

j. Now there is at least someone who knows my girlfriend ended things with me today and I’m not the idiot at the bar. – 2230

9. Vodka Tonic – 2216.

k. Pimp juice by Nelly is awesome.
l. Wankster by 50 cent is great and charlie introduced me to Brian, a bartender.

10. Bacardi and coke.

m. Camron is awesome. I can still walk status without falling bitches! – 2240
n. tile bathroom walls hurt as much as regular walls. – 2245′

11. I don’t remember what I ordered but Carmenio agreed to pick me up, do I’m good. Tastes really good – 2300

n. it its a, good thing that that idiot was out numbered cuz otherwise I ask alkyd have joined in beating the shit out him. Now who the fuck knows. – 2303.

12. Don’t remember what I’m drinking. – 2306.

It’s now 1045am – I remember what 11 and 12 were – Maker’s neat. It was followed by 13 and 14 – Jager neat. Then 15 and 16 – Vodka tonic. I never did finish #16. I don’t think I barely touched it. By that time I was pretty woozy and doing what I could to not throw up. Tiki Lounge needs more open air flow – but I managed it.

I was right, though I was hoping I was wrong

So it is over. I guess I knew it would happen. Doesn’t hurt any less. In fact, it hurts more. As they say, “if you love them, let them go”. I fucking hate cliche sayings right now. Things will not go well for the next person to use one one me.

She told me that the primary reason was the difference in how much we cared for each other. That she kept thinking about a saying “if a man truly loves a woman, he’d move mountains” or something like that. It is probably a true saying. But like all sayings, they need to be grounded in reality. The “real” saying would read “If a man truly loves a woman, who trusts and cares for him, he’d move mountains (do anything) for her”.

Regardless of what I feel or felt, the last month has been mostly one of distrust. Actions do speak louder than words. If I am distrusted that much, my own feelings, thoughts, or views of what actually happened are irrelevant. They don’t matter. That distrust is still there. That unhappiness is still there. And as much as I want to be in a relationship, I already know how these things will end. We’d have made up, then 1 month, or 3 months from now, something else would bring us back here.

It sucks, but love is not enough. And regardless of how i feel, she wanted out of the relationship. She just isn’t willing to take that step herself. We have been here before. I thought that then, it was just a misunderstanding. But apparently there have been issues since the beginning. Middle. and End. So fine. So be it. I will be the one to end it now. What is there to talk about? We’ve had the same conversation over and over.

I hate that I fell in love with someone so quickly. I hate that I allowed myself to be blind to the warning signs. I hate that I’m stuck here and can’t leave for the next couple weeks because of school. I hate that I’m too broke to have anything I can afford to destroy and try and get rid of all these feelings. So no. I will suppress them. I will work. And maybe sometime in October, I can go somewhere quietly and just drive. I would do that tonight, but i barely made it home in one piece. So we’ll wait for a night where I’m just sad and not experience other negative emotions too.

You can’t be Right 100% of the time.

People who know me, maybe with the exception of my parents, are probably divided into two camps. The first are filled with people with whom I have pretty much always been right. My guesses, conclusions, thoughts, comments about things have always been correct – or there were perfectly logical reasons why they’d be wrong and those who from time to time dislike that I pretty much live like I am always right.

For the most part (and take this with an entire bottle of salt), I am correct about things. . . except when those things concern me personally. Then my radar or whatever metaphorical sensory-computing device is at play gets scrambled.

I’ve been in a great relationship. I think the best I’ve had in my life (full disclosure, I’ve only had 4 if we start counting from when I was 17 – i’m now 26 and by relationship, I mean something lasting more than 1 month).  But recently we’ve been having the “do you really want to see me or see someone else” conversation a lot.

I think that this stems mostly a series of incidents. My gf and I attended an event where an acquittance of mine displayed a lot of interest in me. And in the month since then, I have had more interaction with that acquittance including going to lunch with them – which I did not tell my gf about until two days afterward.

So, I won’t disagree that I am the cause for some of these problems. But in any case, tomorrow my girlfriend is going to break up with me. And I’m going to let her. I think I have decided that when it comes to relationships, you are either in or you are out. Flip-flopping may be fine the first few weeks, but not 3 months afterwards.

I always put more weight in the actions that people take, than necessarily the words they say. Though this may just be a cop out – and I will explain shortly. The reason I’m not going to fight it is because if this is what she wants, then I should not try to convince her otherwise. If someone is unhappy or unsatisfied enough that ending a relationship is among their best options for moving forward, then I should not stand in the way.

The reason I say this is a cop out is perhaps I don’t care enough to be willing to do or say whatever it would take to stay in this relationship. And so what I”m doing is taking the path of least resistance. Which if that is the case, then perhaps it should end anyway.

As sad as my day is going to be this time tomorrow, all my mind wants to snap at now is the thought that “This only proves my dad right – I have no idea what I’m doing where it comes to relationships”.

It is so easy to give other people advice. But this has me thinking, when it comes to something as subjective as this, who can really be qualified to give advice? Almost nobody has identical situation, and the odds of you being through the exact same thing twice, only the second time being able to make different decisions and have different outcomes is practically impossible.

So rather than vow to stop giving advice, I will instead try to recognize and verbalize the difference between my advice and my opinion.

Just Because Something Is The Best You’ve Experienced, Doesn’t Mean You’re Done Learning

So, I am currently enjoying what seems to be the beginnings of a wonderful relationship. She is sexy, funny, smart, amazing, and caring. We seem to get along so well and are in the stage where we can’t get enough of each other. I’m starting to lose count of the number of dates which changed from our plans of about 4 hours with each other to 8 [or longer ;)].

One thing that we discussed on our first date is being open and honest with each other and in the subsequent times since then, we’ve kept that up. In fact, we’ve both remarked to each other that this is the most communicative romantic relationship either one of us have had.

But we’ve also had a couple hiccups in this regard. Where miscommunication on our part led to issues that took some time to resolve. Where for a few hours, one or both of us were walking around with our hearts in our throats. And if we were different people, if our feelings for each other weren’t so strong – to the point where no matter what happens, we’d still have a sit down and talk things through – things may have ended or gotten a bit rocky.

So, why is it that our most communicative relationship still has problems with communication? It’s not a paradox actually. And it took these two events for me to realize that just because something is my personal best, doesn’t mean I’m done working on improvements. I’d let myself think that once I’d found someone with whom I’d made such a great connection, that would be it. I’d be done working on my ability to share myself.

Not so fast . . . things are not that easy. Yes, it is amazing how comfortable I am with her and how much we are able to share with each other. Yes, this is the best we’ve ever had. No – it is still not enough. And to be honest, I find this amazing. We’d agreed before that one thing we really liked was that though it feels like we’ve known each other for much longer than our 1.5 months (of which we’ve been dating for 2 weeks), there is still an excitement and feeling of there being much more to discover.

Where in the past, miscommunication and disagreements have led to arguments (whose resolutions admittedly were followed up by great makeup sex), here, those things lead to discussions about ourselves where we talk about what happened and how to better communicate with each other [and romp as usual ;)]

It was very easy for me to discover that I wanted to be a lifelong learner, that no matter what I do academically and professionally, I will always have more to be taught, that I can always learn from others. Now I’m seeing that the same applies to being a communicator. And where at times before I’d seen it as a chore, now I find that my passion and desire to learn has expanded to this area.

I don’t have any words

I dislike writing two posts so close to each other because I always worry that the first one won’t get as much attention given that 70% of my views come from people searching “let’s see you dance sucka you got nothing on me” or something similar to that (and thus they get directed to a specific post) and about 20% come from clicking links to my blog  where you are directed to the most recent post.

So, while it is possible after reading one, you’d be tempted to go through and read more, I can’t be 100% sure of that. Therefore, if I want something read, aside from embedding keywords in it to redirect the 70% of my traffic, the next best thing is to give it the top spot for a few days. However, this is of enough. . . interest, excitement, je ne sais pais to me that I will bypass that feeling and not even just save it as a draft but publish immediately.

So, as some may know, I broke up with my last long term gf a couple months ago. And as of a month ago, through meeting a couple people on an online site I’d tried out and from striking up conversation with attractive women in bars, I’d started dating again. Then almost three weeks ago, I went on what I hope is my last first date in a while.

Spending time with her just keeps getting better. We’ve tried to explain to each other how we feel and the best that we’ve come up with is aside from just being happy from simply spending time with each other, it’s as if we have a familiarity borne from knowing someone for a long time, while at the same time things are constantly new and exciting.

I decided to lookup my list of dealmakers and dealbreakers that I’d posted as responses to aVSB posts a couple years ago (wow, it’s been that long). First, the dealmakers:

1. At least 5′4″ tall.

She is 5’8.
2. Gives good hugs. Snuggling/cuddling must also be included.

She gives great hugs. Snuggling and cuddling are included 😀

3. Likes to play with my hair (or lack thereof).

She likes me with a full beard. There is enough touch involved that this feels satisfied to me. I definitely am a person that needs affection in the form of physical contact. Something as simple as holding hands.
4. Has something that she’s passionate about that she is working on or working towards.

Check.
5. Can spend time with me without needing the entire time to be filled with conversation.

Check. We even had a conversation about out joint need for someone who can handle this.
6. When we have discussion or arguments, is willing to consider alternate points of view and amend ones own if it is demonstrated that she’s wrong. However, if she is right, she should not back down and just agree with me “to keep the peace”.

We’ve not quite gotten to this yet. So far, our “arguments” have been more playful and teasing than anything else.
7. Has just as much fun making up after arguments as I do. Willing to bribe me with physical affection if necessary 

Well, no arguments. . . but I have been bribed once 🙂
8. Has a life. IE, does not spend all free time in apt doing nothing. Has other activities in her life than just me.

Check.
9. Can cook. I can cook too, but sometimes I don’t feel like it.

Made me soup a couple weeks ago when I was sick. Awesome. So was the soup. We had dinner at her place (she cooked) a few days afterwards – also very tasty. I think she’s got it covered.
10. Compatible sense of humor. My humor is a blend of sarcasm and nerdy humor. My fav comedian is currently Lewis Black. If you can get down with this, we’re good.

We make each other laugh all the time.
11. Someone I can be myself with and talk to for hours. It won’t necessarily be an unbroken string of conversation, but there have been very few people in my life with whom I could hang out with for hours at a time and we never really run out of stuff to talk about

Check.

Now, my dealbreakers:

1. Girls that are shorter than 5′4. I’m 6′2 and I like full body hugs too.

She’s fine here – the dealmaker post came after the dealbreaker one. For some of mine, I just recycled this list.

2. Girls that aren’t upfront with whether or not they’re interested. Since most chicks aren’t going to make the moves, I have to do so. Then your polite-thinking ass gives me your number knowing full well you’re not going to answer the call. Just don’t give it to me at all. I’m not fragile. I have better things to do.

She is definitely upfront with how she feels. I know there are some stuff she’s holding back. But so am I. I think it is mostly because we both don’t want to move too far too quickly.

3. Girls that can’t make a decision on where to go/what to do. I understand that some of you like the man to take charge and make the decisions on these things, but if the words “now it’s your turn to pick a place” come out of my mouth, it means that you better damn well come up with something.

Not an issue at all. A secondary dealbreaker to this – not being able to suggest alternatives when you cancel a plan I made – the first time this happened, she immediately came up with a replacement. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she knew my list 😉

4. Girls whose lives end once they get a boyfriend. My life isn’t ending just because I’m now with you. The 20 hours I spend in the lab may drop slightly to 19. . . but certainly not 4-5 so you can have me every waking hour. Keep your friends, go out, have fun and. . .

I don’t see this as being an issue. She’s 32 (I’m 25) – so she has an established life and routine and while I plan on becoming more a part of that, I definitely see we have our own thing as well that will not be overwhelmed by the other person.

5. Don’t have panic attacks if 12 hours or a day goes by without you hearing from me. . . or if I go someplace and don’t tell you. . . You can ask me what I was up to later, but there is a reason I didn’t come with a lojack subscription.

Check. No problems here.

6. Girls with unrealistic relationship expectations. Look, the “one true love” thing does not exist. You and I WILL have arguments, even if I have to make them up myself. So, if you think that disagreements are a sign of serious problems and will fuss and fret over every argument we ever have waiting for the floor to fall out from under you. . . umm, yeah.

Check. No problems here.

6. Self esteem issues. Look, if I’m with you, it’s because I think you are a goddess. I don’t mind reminding you of this on a recurring basis, but if you consistently put yourself down, I’m going to start thinking you’re no longer just looking for some verbal loving, but actually have serious problems. I’m still too young to have my own children, so I’ll just send you back to your parents.

We seem to be fine here.

7. Girls who’d complain EVERY SINGLE TIME about the toilet seat. Look, the way I see it, why should I always have to flip the seat? When I get up in the dark to goto the bathroom, I have to check that it’s up. Well, when you get up in the dark, you better be checking that it’s down. I have a large amount of patience and I’ll generally acquiesce to little things like that despite not seeing any fundamental reason why you are correct. However, if I must use the b-word to describe your comments to me over the subject, you have gone too far.

This is an issue that I think only comes up when you’re spending significant amounts of time at one persons place to the point where one person is sleeping over 3+ days a week. This hasn’t happened yet so doesn’t apply right now.

8. Girls who cannot enjoy your company silently. Now, I can understand when we’re first getting together, silence at this point generally is a sign of nervousness. But once we really know each other and are together, you really should be able to spend time with me without thinking something is wrong if a whole hour goes by without me saying a word to you.

Check. No problems here.

9. Girls that want to tell me the exact details of some problem 100 times. Look, I heard you the first few times. If you’re having some sort of computer problem, chances are, once I know you well enough, I don’t even need to hear from you what it is that you were doing in the 30 minutes prior to and 30 minutes following the problem. Now, being the nice man that I am, I will listen to this. However, if I am tired, frustrated with my own work, or have already heard the story 10 times, my patience will be severely strained and I will do what it takes to stop hearing the words. That means if you don’t stop talking when I ask, I’ll just go someplace else. When that happens, DO NOT PANIC. I don’t hate you, I just need some time to recharge. However, that also means when I’m back, you cut it with the same story.

Check. No problems here.

10. I don’t need another mom. It already annoys me when she wants to clean up my place when she visits. Besides, you don’t need to be that nice to keep me. Hmm. . .maybe I shouldn’t be releasing this info

Actually, I’ve never had this issue with anyone. But still, I can imagine it would annoy me to no end. I’ve not noticed any need for obsessive ordering of my apt so I think we are fine here as well.

So there we have it. Even going by myself from 2 years ago, she is pretty damn awesome. We have inside jokes already and she’s totally game for the pranks I want to pull. If we go by past experience, I always tend to end up in long term relationships with someone  with whom I spend this much time this quickly. I look forward to it.

My Take on the iPhone 4G – The Dell Streak is Better

Ok, first, let us begin with a disclaimer. I have not actually handled either one of these phones. I’ve just been reading about them for the past 3 months. Actually, longer if we are just speaking of the Streak (since January when it was known as the Mini 5). Also, as anyone who knows me can attest, the Streak will be my immediate next phone. That is not to say I won’t have plenty of opportunity to get up close and personal with the 4G iPhone, but my purchase decision has already been made.

So, why am I not so impressed (especially given that my previous phone was an Iphone)? If we compare the design of the two phones, the 4G is just another iteration on the iPhone. Cleaner – yes. A Thinner? Definitely. Faster – uh huh. But these are all ho-hum to be expected changes. You don’t release another version of a phone that is worse than the previous.

So, incremental improvements aside, the fundamental difference between the 4G and 3GS is a front facing camera and higher resolution better view display. The display improvement is big enough that it cannot be lumped in as a incremental improvement (like styling, extra mic for noise cancelling, improved camera resolution, etc). So, that plus of course, a new OS – which is just again improvements over the old – so you’re not going to be seeing lots of new mindblowing things, mostly things that with the new hardware make everything work better and more smoothly.

So, if you were blown away by the iphone but had a few nagging issues that kept it from being the perfect device for you, yes, the 4G is definitely worth the upgrade. But that isn’t me. When it got down to it, I did 5 main things on my iPhone.

1. Check and respond to email.
2. Casual web browsing and some youtube when out at a bar.
3. Facebook, IM, and about 2 games.
4. Txting and phone calls
5. Output video and music to my car

Even with the gaming – which I actually thought would be a big part of my iPhone usage – I ended up mainly only playing games when I was around my (at the time) gf’s iPhone. I’d jailbroken/unlocked mine and played around with other things, but mostly I ended up using that for UI tweaks and so that I could enable MMS on my unlocked phone. Being able to ssh to/from the phone was a bit useful but that was still mostly a useful trick I could do.

Given that there is only so much you can do with the actual process of making phone calls and sending txt messages, the dominating aspects of my use are interaction with the web and email. Since I am a heavy dual core thinkpad tablet user – and it is light enough that I have no real issues carrying it around throughout the day (and I have two batteries so I can go approx 6 hours at 80% brightness with wifi running) crunching through lots of open tabs, One Note, perhaps another office app, and matlab all running, my actual phone use was just when making calls, txting, in transit somewhere or out at a bar or away from home but not at school.

Given that essentially my life is mostly spent either at home or school and only an idiot would use a phone for entertainment when larger screened more powerful computing devices are present, there is really only a small subset of my life for a third device. As you can imagine, an iPad definitely doesn’t fit – too large. I’m not carrying one to the bar or gym. Any place else that I could be where I would/could use an iPad, my tablet is already there. What would be the point.

So, if I were to get a new phone, what would I prioritize? Well, look at my above list. Like it or not, google has the upper hand in implementing email access. Like I mentioned, phone and texting aren’t rocket science and everyone has gone the way of threaded conversations, so essentially my experience would be the same whether I’m on Apple or elsewhere. Access to social networking is roughly independent of platform since they all develop their own apps and game wise – I barely play at all – so again not a big deal.

So, the only other differentiator aside from using a google vs MS vs Apple email implementation would be in screen size/performance and media playback. Since I’m relatively agnostic to my media sources (ie I’m not tied to iTunes), my choices are either the larger 5 screen display of the Streak or higher resolution display of the 4G. Given that most of my time will be spent staring and interacting with the screen, that I have big hands, and I disliked the time I spent zooming in and out on the iPhone. . . my choice is relatively clear.

The Dell Streak just fits me more. So, this explains my decision. Now, just so you know, I from time to time will respond to what I see as blind devotion to all things Apple by attempting to destroy arguments as to why the 4G is better than anything else out there, even though I have clearly outlined here that such arguments are inherently faulty since what is more important now is the particular usage scenario for a given person. I tend to hold off making that point until the other side devolves to emotional responses (my usual cue that there is no further point in actually continuing an argument with someone) unless I’m feeling particularly evil. Since I don’t express an emotional response, if I don’t do this, I essentially keep the other side from ever getting closure.

I have decided – I will only date “the one”.

I know that may sound strange, but hear me out. Unfortunately, my last long term relationship was not with “the one”. It was with someone with whom I did like and grow to love in some ways, someone with whom I liked being around and had fun. But when we started seeing each other, I did not have that “this might be it” feeling. It was my expectation that as we got to know each other better, if we stayed together and continued to grow, that maybe that feeling would grow on my part. I’m starting to think that’s not how it works for me.

See, I’ve gone out with “the one” several times. The first time, it lasted 3 years and through 6 months of being engaged, until things took a drastic change and the relationship could not be sustained. But after that, from time to time, I’d go out with “the one” and things didn’t go anywhere. But still, that feeling and impression was there. It has only been with a minority of people I’ve dated (keep in mind I’ve perhaps dated 10-12 women in the past 4 years with most not lasting past 2 dates),  but despite those stats, perhaps my best bet is to only pursue things with those with whom I get that feeling.

I cannot describe how or why it happens. So far, all of them have been different – background, career goals, age, and other features. So, as much as the engineer in me would like to enumerate what these qualities may be in a woman, he can’t. A man who spends much of his life relying on rationality, a man who can explain to you that what other people call a “hunch” or “intuition” is really just logical deduction carried out by you unconscious mind, when faced with what feels like one of the biggest decisions in his life, is left to count on emotion.

Irony, you are my master.