So Let it be Written, So Let it be Done!

June 8, 2010

I don’t have any words

Filed under: dating,kamakula — kamakula @ 12:10 pm
Tags: ,

I dislike writing two posts so close to each other because I always worry that the first one won’t get as much attention given that 70% of my views come from people searching “let’s see you dance sucka you got nothing on me” or something similar to that (and thus they get directed to a specific post) and about 20% come from clicking links to my blog  where you are directed to the most recent post.

So, while it is possible after reading one, you’d be tempted to go through and read more, I can’t be 100% sure of that. Therefore, if I want something read, aside from embedding keywords in it to redirect the 70% of my traffic, the next best thing is to give it the top spot for a few days. However, this is of enough. . . interest, excitement, je ne sais pais to me that I will bypass that feeling and not even just save it as a draft but publish immediately.

So, as some may know, I broke up with my last long term gf a couple months ago. And as of a month ago, through meeting a couple people on an online site I’d tried out and from striking up conversation with attractive women in bars, I’d started dating again. Then almost three weeks ago, I went on what I hope is my last first date in a while.

Spending time with her just keeps getting better. We’ve tried to explain to each other how we feel and the best that we’ve come up with is aside from just being happy from simply spending time with each other, it’s as if we have a familiarity borne from knowing someone for a long time, while at the same time things are constantly new and exciting.

I decided to lookup my list of dealmakers and dealbreakers that I’d posted as responses to aVSB posts a couple years ago (wow, it’s been that long). First, the dealmakers:

1. At least 5′4″ tall.

She is 5’8.
2. Gives good hugs. Snuggling/cuddling must also be included.

She gives great hugs. Snuggling and cuddling are included 😀

3. Likes to play with my hair (or lack thereof).

She likes me with a full beard. There is enough touch involved that this feels satisfied to me. I definitely am a person that needs affection in the form of physical contact. Something as simple as holding hands.
4. Has something that she’s passionate about that she is working on or working towards.

5. Can spend time with me without needing the entire time to be filled with conversation.

Check. We even had a conversation about out joint need for someone who can handle this.
6. When we have discussion or arguments, is willing to consider alternate points of view and amend ones own if it is demonstrated that she’s wrong. However, if she is right, she should not back down and just agree with me “to keep the peace”.

We’ve not quite gotten to this yet. So far, our “arguments” have been more playful and teasing than anything else.
7. Has just as much fun making up after arguments as I do. Willing to bribe me with physical affection if necessary :)

Well, no arguments. . . but I have been bribed once 🙂
8. Has a life. IE, does not spend all free time in apt doing nothing. Has other activities in her life than just me.

9. Can cook. I can cook too, but sometimes I don’t feel like it.

Made me soup a couple weeks ago when I was sick. Awesome. So was the soup. We had dinner at her place (she cooked) a few days afterwards – also very tasty. I think she’s got it covered.
10. Compatible sense of humor. My humor is a blend of sarcasm and nerdy humor. My fav comedian is currently Lewis Black. If you can get down with this, we’re good.

We make each other laugh all the time.
11. Someone I can be myself with and talk to for hours. It won’t necessarily be an unbroken string of conversation, but there have been very few people in my life with whom I could hang out with for hours at a time and we never really run out of stuff to talk about


Now, my dealbreakers:

1. Girls that are shorter than 5′4. I’m 6′2 and I like full body hugs too.

She’s fine here – the dealmaker post came after the dealbreaker one. For some of mine, I just recycled this list.

2. Girls that aren’t upfront with whether or not they’re interested. Since most chicks aren’t going to make the moves, I have to do so. Then your polite-thinking ass gives me your number knowing full well you’re not going to answer the call. Just don’t give it to me at all. I’m not fragile. I have better things to do.

She is definitely upfront with how she feels. I know there are some stuff she’s holding back. But so am I. I think it is mostly because we both don’t want to move too far too quickly.

3. Girls that can’t make a decision on where to go/what to do. I understand that some of you like the man to take charge and make the decisions on these things, but if the words “now it’s your turn to pick a place” come out of my mouth, it means that you better damn well come up with something.

Not an issue at all. A secondary dealbreaker to this – not being able to suggest alternatives when you cancel a plan I made – the first time this happened, she immediately came up with a replacement. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she knew my list 😉

4. Girls whose lives end once they get a boyfriend. My life isn’t ending just because I’m now with you. The 20 hours I spend in the lab may drop slightly to 19. . . but certainly not 4-5 so you can have me every waking hour. Keep your friends, go out, have fun and. . .

I don’t see this as being an issue. She’s 32 (I’m 25) – so she has an established life and routine and while I plan on becoming more a part of that, I definitely see we have our own thing as well that will not be overwhelmed by the other person.

5. Don’t have panic attacks if 12 hours or a day goes by without you hearing from me. . . or if I go someplace and don’t tell you. . . You can ask me what I was up to later, but there is a reason I didn’t come with a lojack subscription.

Check. No problems here.

6. Girls with unrealistic relationship expectations. Look, the “one true love” thing does not exist. You and I WILL have arguments, even if I have to make them up myself. So, if you think that disagreements are a sign of serious problems and will fuss and fret over every argument we ever have waiting for the floor to fall out from under you. . . umm, yeah.

Check. No problems here.

6. Self esteem issues. Look, if I’m with you, it’s because I think you are a goddess. I don’t mind reminding you of this on a recurring basis, but if you consistently put yourself down, I’m going to start thinking you’re no longer just looking for some verbal loving, but actually have serious problems. I’m still too young to have my own children, so I’ll just send you back to your parents.

We seem to be fine here.

7. Girls who’d complain EVERY SINGLE TIME about the toilet seat. Look, the way I see it, why should I always have to flip the seat? When I get up in the dark to goto the bathroom, I have to check that it’s up. Well, when you get up in the dark, you better be checking that it’s down. I have a large amount of patience and I’ll generally acquiesce to little things like that despite not seeing any fundamental reason why you are correct. However, if I must use the b-word to describe your comments to me over the subject, you have gone too far.

This is an issue that I think only comes up when you’re spending significant amounts of time at one persons place to the point where one person is sleeping over 3+ days a week. This hasn’t happened yet so doesn’t apply right now.

8. Girls who cannot enjoy your company silently. Now, I can understand when we’re first getting together, silence at this point generally is a sign of nervousness. But once we really know each other and are together, you really should be able to spend time with me without thinking something is wrong if a whole hour goes by without me saying a word to you.

Check. No problems here.

9. Girls that want to tell me the exact details of some problem 100 times. Look, I heard you the first few times. If you’re having some sort of computer problem, chances are, once I know you well enough, I don’t even need to hear from you what it is that you were doing in the 30 minutes prior to and 30 minutes following the problem. Now, being the nice man that I am, I will listen to this. However, if I am tired, frustrated with my own work, or have already heard the story 10 times, my patience will be severely strained and I will do what it takes to stop hearing the words. That means if you don’t stop talking when I ask, I’ll just go someplace else. When that happens, DO NOT PANIC. I don’t hate you, I just need some time to recharge. However, that also means when I’m back, you cut it with the same story.

Check. No problems here.

10. I don’t need another mom. It already annoys me when she wants to clean up my place when she visits. Besides, you don’t need to be that nice to keep me. Hmm. . .maybe I shouldn’t be releasing this info

Actually, I’ve never had this issue with anyone. But still, I can imagine it would annoy me to no end. I’ve not noticed any need for obsessive ordering of my apt so I think we are fine here as well.

So there we have it. Even going by myself from 2 years ago, she is pretty damn awesome. We have inside jokes already and she’s totally game for the pranks I want to pull. If we go by past experience, I always tend to end up in long term relationships with someone  with whom I spend this much time this quickly. I look forward to it.


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