So Let it be Written, So Let it be Done!

June 13, 2010

Just Because Something Is The Best You’ve Experienced, Doesn’t Mean You’re Done Learning

Filed under: blogging,dating,drama,kamakula — kamakula @ 10:50 pm
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So, I am currently enjoying what seems to be the beginnings of a wonderful relationship. She is sexy, funny, smart, amazing, and caring. We seem to get along so well and are in the stage where we can’t get enough of each other. I’m starting to lose count of the number of dates which changed from our plans of about 4 hours with each other to 8 [or longer ;)].

One thing that we discussed on our first date is being open and honest with each other and in the subsequent times since then, we’ve kept that up. In fact, we’ve both remarked to each other that this is the most communicative romantic relationship either one of us have had.

But we’ve also had a couple hiccups in this regard. Where miscommunication on our part led to issues that took some time to resolve. Where for a few hours, one or both of us were walking around with our hearts in our throats. And if we were different people, if our feelings for each other weren’t so strong – to the point where no matter what happens, we’d still have a sit down and talk things through – things may have ended or gotten a bit rocky.

So, why is it that our most communicative relationship still has problems with communication? It’s not a paradox actually. And it took these two events for me to realize that just because something is my personal best, doesn’t mean I’m done working on improvements. I’d let myself think that once I’d found someone with whom I’d made such a great connection, that would be it. I’d be done working on my ability to share myself.

Not so fast . . . things are not that easy. Yes, it is amazing how comfortable I am with her and how much we are able to share with each other. Yes, this is the best we’ve ever had. No – it is still not enough. And to be honest, I find this amazing. We’d agreed before that one thing we really liked was that though it feels like we’ve known each other for much longer than our 1.5 months (of which we’ve been dating for 2 weeks), there is still an excitement and feeling of there being much more to discover.

Where in the past, miscommunication and disagreements have led to arguments (whose resolutions admittedly were followed up by great makeup sex), here, those things lead to discussions about ourselves where we talk about what happened and how to better communicate with each other [and romp as usual ;)]

It was very easy for me to discover that I wanted to be a lifelong learner, that no matter what I do academically and professionally, I will always have more to be taught, that I can always learn from others. Now I’m seeing that the same applies to being a communicator. And where at times before I’d seen it as a chore, now I find that my passion and desire to learn has expanded to this area.

April 19, 2008

Stop Being a Punk

Filed under: kamakula — kamakula @ 8:15 pm
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Something which comes up whenever I’m taking a test or doing homework where I’m unsure of how well I know the material ( in spite of me actually paying attention in class and more or less doing the homework [correctly] ) is the feeling that I CAN’T solve a particular problem because I don’t know how to begin.

What usually happens is that I move on to other problems that I feel I can answer, then come back later and tackle the problematic one a little later. Usually, I attribute my new-found abilities to solve the problem to my mind working on it in the background. Or some aspect of solving another problem gave me a clue that I needed.

While that may be true, I’m starting to realize that in reality, I actually knew what I was doing all along. I was just too afraid to try. Then, after I complete all the easy stuff, I have no choice but to actually begin work on the hard stuff. . . to do otherwise would be to fail the test.

Yet, I’ve found in lower pressure situations (homework assignments or my current take-home final), that the truth is, I actually knew what I was doing. Today, I’m staring at part 2 of problem 1, trying to figure out what to do, telling myself that I apparently don’t know the material as well as I thought. About 30 minutes later, I say to myself, well, I might as well just start on it and figure out the rest later.

As soon as I started writing, i saw the solution. It was right there! All I needed to do was start the problem. I guess it does mean that I don’t understand the material as well as I’d like. In cases when I do, I can just look at a problem and immediately envision how to start and the steps that would lead me to the solution. However, in cases like this, if I just start the problem, that’s almost enough to connect the missing link in my mind.

I’m starting to think I create a lot of anxiety in my life for no reason at all. I’m going to make a conscious effort to just do or start things, rather than waiting until I can see the clear path from start to finish. I will never be able to understand everything well enough that I can play it out from start to finish in my head. However, if I’m confident in my skills, things will likely work out.

It’s funny that I’m this way when it comes to certain things, like writing firmware for embedded systems, or working on robotics projects. . . I guess it’s just that I’ve already learned to trust myself when it comes to those things, mainly because my passion lies in those areas so I never let myself quit or get down just because I felt I didn’t know the immediate solutions. However, in other parts of my life, where I’m not as driven, I’m also not as confident.

Hmm. . . those are interesting observations. Passion/drive = confidence/success (sometimes – well, enough that I’m happy). And I can substitute (sometimes) determination/willpower for passion/drive.

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