So Let it be Written, So Let it be Done!

May 27, 2010

The Dating Game: A New Story

Filed under: dating,kamakula — kamakula @ 11:36 pm
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So, in what feels like a short time to me, I’ve met three interesting, smart, and quite attractive women. Had one promptly blow me off after what I thought was a great first date, two dates with the second with whom I just never quite felt the spark, and like Goldilocks, the third was just right. Somehow, that porridge analogy is making its way into my life more and more.

Regarding the first of the three. I pretty much relearned that I am incapable of being objective when it comes to my own emotions. Well, perhaps not incapable, but certainly I have a very hard time maintaining objectivity. Especially just after a first date. Where I had a great time and things seemed to go well. I suppose I will never really know the true reasons, but I did manage to convince myself for two weeks afterwards that maybe there was still a chance. When it comes to affairs of the heart, I let myself get too involved too fast. Honestly though, I don’t think that is something that will ever change.

Now, to my current beau. Hot. I must apologize to my exes, but she is the most attractive woman I’ve had the pleasure of reciprocating my feelings. She is also seven years older than I. Which is a change, I’ve usually dated between two years younger and 2 years older. That said, I’ve also recently gone out with someone 4 years older. Given that a year ago, these women would kiss me on the cheek and then say “you’re too young”, perhaps I’m approaching that golden age.

Right now, age is not an issue. And I’m going to try to live in the moment, and not spend too much time thinking towards the future of when I share more than the casual details of my relationship with my parents. And to think I was worried a month ago about dating a single mom. Anyway, I am really enjoying this. We have staring contests where we spend minutes just smiling and looking at each other, daring the other person to break the silence.

It feels good to be this happy and since none of my friends, with whom I’d usually call and have this conversation are answering their phones, I share this here. Because it has been just waiting to burst out of me. 😀


May 13, 2010

Dating was Easier in Elementary School

Filed under: dating,kamakula — kamakula @ 1:00 pm
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In my elementary school, if someone liked you, a piece of paper would randomly make it to your desk asking “Do you like me”? There would be two carefully drawn boxes next to the words “Yes” and “No”. All you had to do was check the box. Simple, efficient, fast, and neat.

As we got older, something told us that we needed to obfuscate the direct path between ‘I like you’ and ‘let’s hang out’. We spend time furtively reading articles on how to tell if a man is interested in you. Or what signs a woman gives if she wants you to “approach”. Yes. We know FIRST check for signs of if he or she wants us to even talk to them, let alone whether or not they are actually interested.

Perhaps because as adults, we may need to weed out a much larger number of potential suitors, and thus we have established a much more complex ritual of winks and secret smiles that only the one for whom it is truly intended (or who has read the correct books) can decipher.

Another things is that for some reason, as we have grown older, we apparently have acquired a fear of disappointing others. Whatever number of years ago it was, you just checked that NO box if you weren’t interested. Case closed. Now, you still give out your phone number, maybe even return a couple calls, then stop. The nicer ones give out fake numbers so that the more astute pursuer takes the hint immediately, though I’m sure there are some out there who go “NOOOOoooo, how did I transcribe those digits incorrectly” and spend the next hour trying any and all permuations of phone numbers where they can swap a 4 for a 9 or 1 for 7.

Yes. I realize most people don’t use the word ‘transcribe’ even when talking to themselves.

So, to help myself, I’ve come up with a few rules to guide my post digit getting behavior:

  1. If any conversation about going out again results in you being ignored until you change the subject, delete after the second occurrence.
  2. If you both are unable to find a common time (or make one) and things come up that for some reason nobody else can cover for you, delete after the second occurrence.
  3. If you are the only person ever changing your schedule, or the other person is never available for you, but you for them, delete after the third occurrence.
  4. If they never return your calls, delete after the third occurrence.

And there are a couple others. Essentially, I think to myself, what sort of behavior would I tolerate from my friends. If my friends can’t get away with it, then someone new in your life shouldn’t be given that freedom either.

April 21, 2010

Looking Back

Filed under: drama,kamakula,pittsburgh — kamakula @ 12:42 am
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So, these past couple weeks have been very non-productive for me. I’ve started eating twice a day (the same amount each time) which coupled with my liquids brings me close to 3000 calories a day (i’m working now to change that back to a reasonable 1500 – reasonable for my metabolism).

Since breaking up, I’ve dated one girl. We went out three times before things came to an end. But this time, the post mortem yielded some interesting information. First, the reason I got her number in the first place and got to the first date is that I did everything right up to that point. I was the pursuer. I made my interest known. I called her within a couple days of getting the number, I decided and organized our first date, etc.

And on that date and the second, I let her guide our interaction. I did not push to kiss or touch or anything else, I followed her lead. The third time around, I did not. And that is where I went wrong. Not only that, but when I think about it, that’s what has gone wrong in all the cases where I struck out within 3 dates.

It really is amazing to realize this about oneself. I feel so much happier as a person and look forward to getting to know the next person who takes a chance on me on a much better basis.

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