So Let it be Written, So Let it be Done!

April 15, 2010

Out damn spot! Or blot. . . or however big you are

Filed under: drama,kamakula — kamakula @ 1:07 pm

Today I am frustrated with life. Well, really it started a few days ago and came to a head last night. But today it is. Why, because there are no guidebooks or signposts. There isn’t anything to guide you. It is not a linear time-invariant system where if you give it the same inputs, no matter what time you do it, you get the same outputs. No, completely different results for the exact same actions. How do you learn in this the face of something like this?

Or perhaps I have a personality defect. Some blotch which removes my ability to make correct decisions under certain circumstances. Which inevitably lead to days like today. When things are just crap.

I need to regain my focus. Go back to the core things. School and health. Right now, that is all that is important. So no need to care about anything else. Just exorcise it from my thoughts and actions and soon enough, it will just be a distant memory of a time that I mistakenly thought I wanted a different life.

It will be slow going. But if it was easy, they wouldn’t pay us the big bucks.

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