So Let it be Written, So Let it be Done!

April 10, 2008

I should be doing something else

Filed under: grad school,kamakula,pittsburgh,rant — kamakula @ 1:01 am
Tags: , ,

In another blog, I describe one of my fatal flaws. Perhaps that has some relevancy here though this is supposed to be more upbeat. Though I suppose that isn’t quite correct. This is supposed to reflect the day to day. The here and now. . . at least to some degree. I seem to write very vague posts when I’m in this mood.

Ok, so I’ll cop to one of the tragic (fatal) flaws – thinking too far ahead. I cannot help it. I think this . . .activity is so ingrained in me that I cannot consciously stop myself from doing it. I’ve found ways around one of my others, a method that allows me to distract my mind, or at least the part of it that regulates such behavior. However, where it comes to running things through to the end, that I cannot control.

This is especially annoying to me because I’m such a bad chess player. I would think that given my propensity to look weeks, months, or years into the future, I’d apply the same thing to a board game. Perhaps it’s just that chess never interested me enough to care about strategy or game play beyond learning the basic moves and goals, so my mind cannot wrap itself around thinking 10 or 20 moves ahead (heck, lets be honest, I barely do more than 3).

Procrastination and diversion are two of the greatest threats to a graduate student’s career. Right now, I find myself procrastinating when it comes to working on projects or studying for a class while simultaneously diverting myself from more work by focusing entirely on one class. So much so that I’m sometimes in the lab earlier/later/longer than the actual graduate students who work there.

Then there are relationships. I swear, I probably think about this as much as most guys stereotypically think about sex. Some days, it would be nice to wake up with the only thought in my mind being to study and do work. Yet that never happens. I’m annoyed that more reasons keep popping up for me to stay in Pittsburgh over the summer even as I move closer towards finding something to do in California.

I suppose life will never let me be. My best friend has uttered these words many times “Kamakula, things like this only happen to you!” These things need to find someone else to bother. I get too little sleep as it is, not that I need much more, but with me consuming so much time on non-school related things, I have no choice but to make up those hours from somewhere. I refuse to spend more than 4 years in grad school.

Am I crazy? Sometimes I wonder. I was in a perfect bargaining position when I left my job. Life was simpler, and if I wasted a lot of time thinking about non-work stuff, it was easier to make up. I suppose though, I must concede that every direction my life has taken has always resulted in experiences that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Meeting people that I wouldn’t have otherwise. Making friends, maybe more.

Who knows what would have happened if I went straight to grad school. Shifting from one school to another, I may have remained the social misfit, the stereotypical engineering student, smart, but too shy to talk to anyone. I’d also be in much dire financial straights, but that’s another story. . .

I don’t know what I’m saying. I think I just need to stick to the plan. Sleep for 5 hours, get up in the morning, and get my stuff done. Just keep reminding myself, the harder I work now, the less I have to work later.  It’s too bad that the title of this post occurs to me many times in the course of a single day. I wonder how everyone else does it.  I feel like there’s some life lesson or secret that other people have a grasp of that I just can’t quite figure out. . .

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