This was Supposed to Be

My summer to relax. My summer to recover. My summer where I did not work very hard. Then several things happened. However, the car break down is probably the worst, in that it drains all my spare cash and time. Now I work 40-50 hours a week, admittedly on a job I like, then spend about another 20+ on the weekends fixing the car.

The cost of fixing the car means that I’m not going to be able to relax my working schedule for the entire summer. I suppose that within two weeks, I’d at least have reclaimed my weekends and being able to drive to and from work will net me a bit more time to sleep or at least give me more flexibility to work when I feel motivate rather than having to structure my time around a fixed bus schedule.

This post though is prompted by me feeling immensely tired and listless at the moment. Perhaps I should just take an hour or two to sit and read, then come back and continue working. I guess I’m worried that tomorrow afternoon, this feeling of ennui will return and cause me not to get as much work done on the car as I’d like. Then the process of having it up and running would be delayed even further.

Perhaps I’m just lazy. I can’t help but think of other people who work longer hours than I do and they don’t complain. Or maybe this is my unconscious attempting to test my resolve to stay in grad school. If so, I’d wish it’ll stop.

The VSB Post I Never Wrote

Hmm. I’ve been thinking about some things that have come up in the past couple days. I’m not sure if I should post this on VSB. In fact, I’ve decided not to post it. Perhaps I’m way off. But while I’d like to get a lot more feedback on this than posting it here would garner, I don’t quite feel its ready for a bigger audience. Perhaps I’m still feeling out my thoughts on this and don’t think it’s finished. Or perhaps I don’t want to ignite something or further shade the way people interpret my posts on that site. I’ve always known that people color what they read based on their perception of the person saying it. So, I usually attempt to present myself as neutrally as possible though for the most part I’ve not made any attempt to disgender the kamakula personality. Anyway, no more prefacing . . .

Black Nationalism (BN) to me is a response to the feeling that the best things can become is separate but equal. That while black peope may be able to wrest equal rights and treatment out of the government of the USA, blacks will never be accepted as equals. I feel this is a fundamental basis for BN and feel that this is flawed. Therefore, any further deductions will also be flawed though more or less self-consistent. I think it’s critical for some to realize that a flawed argument can still be self-consistent. Everything will hold together, it’s just an underlying assumption that would be shown to be wrong. Perhaps that’s what makes it hard to address those who are in the BN camp.

There are some who approach the argument (or perhaps another one altogether) from the point of preservation of black culture. I think I can make the argument that it’s a pretty big stretch to say that there is a black culture (or white culture) in the United States. When I think of culture, I think of something uniquely defined by language, religion, art, literature, customs, modes of behavior, and physical locality. If two groups of people have several of these things in common, I’d be hard pressed to say that they are different cultures.

Now, before I continue, let me get a dictionary definition of culture. This is the defintion of the sense of the word from merriam-webster:

5 a: the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations b: the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group; also : the characteristic features of everyday existence (as diversions or a way of life} shared by people in a place or time <popular culture> <southern culture> c: the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution or organization <a corporate culture focused on the bottom line> d: the set of values, conventions, or social practices associated with a particular field, activity, or societal characteristic <studying the effect of computers on print culture>

Black people don’t have a unique language or different language from the rest of the country. Black people don’t live in a different region of the country than everyone else. In fact, if I try to pin down the ways in which blacks as a people are different from the rest of the country, I’m left with just looks, the shared history of being oppressed by slavery/racism and the hiphop/rap music subculture. The remaining differences – art, other areas of music, and possibly behavior – I believe stem from regional variations and are not strong enough to stand on their own as a basis for identifying a separate culture.

So, in the context of my belief that our country is moving towards a more or less unified state where race does not matter, it would seem to me that not only does a black culture not really exist, but the natural progression of things will ensure that one does not emerge. The forces that push black people together into one group for common survival, interaction, and general enjoyment of life.

Yet, there is a flaw in my argument. Black people definitely look different from the rest of the country and while we’re attempting to minimize the effect of race on society, that is a strong cultural indicator. I don’t think that the context in which I frame this argument is strong enough to overcome this. I’m not sure it should.

Double Standards and Gender Inequalities

So, this post is prompted by this topic on VSB. Reading through the discussion, several things came up over and over again that I took some issue with or felt hinted at other issues:

1. What you do when you’re drunk is just a manifestation of your actual self. Nobody does something that they didn’t already want to do when drunk.
2. Because there is no penetration when two women are together (sexually), it is quite a different scenario when two men are together (sexually).
3. In a heterosexual relationship, a woman revealing that she’d had a one time experimentation in sex with a woman is virtually a non-issue but a man revealing a similar episode with another is an immediate deal breaker.

Ok. #1 – this is total bullshit. My example – a guy (21+) is extremely drunk and a persistent and attractive 14yo (or 15-16yo) has been hitting on him all night. He finally does the deed with her. Is the guy a pedophile? What about the drunk guy or gal that palms a shot glass at the bar? Does that mean he/she is a thief? To be honest, I think most people saying the stuff in #1 would say no. However, they’d also say that sex is a much different thing and attempt to push some metaphysical connection of sexuality and one’s true self versus any other behavior that I could show could be generated under the influence of alcohol but never when the person is sober.

#2 – I think this one is a case of homophobia. Strangely enough, just as many women expressed this sentiment as men. Which means there is some sort of phobia among these women of men who have either been in this situation or otherwise exhibit behavior that they consider too feminine. I think this is in part tied to #3.

#3 I find this interesting. Why is it that a women would be a lot more threatened by a man having experimented with another man? Some of the comments on this give explanations that run like when a woman does it, it can be written off as she was lonely or didn’t have a man, but when a man does it, it points to him being a latent homosexual. Or a man doing this is immediately no longer “manly” enough for me”. Whatever the rationale, this suggests to me that there is still a big gender equality gap. Relationship-wise, there is something more important about a man being a man than a woman being a woman.

I feel good and bad at the same time

Good because things seem to be moving pretty well with fixing the car. Bad because I feel I’ve not been giving my work as much of my attention and time as I should because I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and working on finalizing details such as tracking down parts, figuring out what things need to be done, etc.

So, I’ve got everything ordered up minus some miscellaneous bolts which I can pick up anywhere, an engine hoist that I’m buying on Friday, and the wheels I want to put on my car – the seller is dragging his feet. Nate volunteered to come this weekend so I’ll have help. The good news, likely things will move a bit faster. The bad news, I can only afford to pay for a hotel room for one night this weekend. So, we’ll have to make the best of the time we’ll be there.

We should arrive Friday afternoon, pickup the hoist (and hopefully my engine), finish disconnecting the existing engine stuff, remove the engine and transmission, then hopefully swap the transmission to the new engine after installing my new clutch and flywheel, then get the new assembly into the car and bolted down.

After that, get some sleep, then the next day, connect up everything to the engine and transmission, perform fluid flushes, and attempt to start the engine. If the engine starts and idles ok, we can do some miscellaneous things like fixing the bumper, headlights, foglights, then putting those back on the car.

After cleaning up, we can head back to Pittsburgh. The following weekend, he can drop me off Friday afternoon. I’ll complete reassembly of the front end, install the new brakes and exhaust, swap the rear end suspension components and install (hopefully) my new wheels. Do a final cleanup of the garage and drive home after returning the keys on Saturday.

This is good because it builds in two full days to catchup on work if necessary.

Weekend Warrior

So, this was the first weekend working on the car prepping it for the new engine. While I learned a lot, I definitely accomplished little of my goals for this weekend. Additionally, the costs of this swap keep adding up. At some point, I’m going to have to make a final reckoning.

Part of the problem of comparing a swap to other upgrades (like a supercharger) is that a swap necessitates things like upgrade front brakes, new exhaust system, perhaps a new (and stronger clutch), complete fluid drains, flushes, and fills, etc.

So, there is a lot of work and cost that goes into it that normally would be spread over a much wider period of time (for those of us who are monetarily challenged). So part of the reckoning, at least for comparison to those who say a supercharger is cheaper is identifying what components are the bare minimum for a swap.

Then, I can price those for comparison.

I’m Still a Poor Grad Student

I was reminded of this today by someone on a blog I read when I attempted to make a job about putting in my 3 cents – that my thoughts were more expensive due to the rising gas costs.

Ah well. Today was one of those that we starving grad students live for. I got to attend a talk that I was pretty interested in followed by pizza and soda afterwards. Then a few hours later, the secretary for my research lab came by to inform us that there was food available (I guess some high level meeting people did not consume all the provided eatables).

I wonder if there is more to come today? Sadly, I’m still hungry. I’ll probably end up eating the stuff I brought for lunch anyway, meager as it is.

In other news (if you know me, the ONLY other news would be related to my car), I’ve found someone near Philly with EXACTLY the wheels I’ve been salivating over for the past few months. I may be able to get them for about what I want to spend too. I got a quote for shipping through greyhound ~ $85. Hmm. . . I believe I’ll be taking advantage of Greyhound’s cheap shipping more often.

I realized the other day that I needed a 6cylinder exhaust system for the swap. I found one, called the guy and tentatively made a deal, then realized that he likely has other parts that I need. Rather than scavenge things from several different sources, if he has all the stuff I need, I can likely get a better price since I’ll be buying a lot of stuff from him, thus paying a bit more, and he gets rid of stuff faster, etc.

To be honest, you’d make more money by selling things piece by piece, but most people when they get around to it always feel a need to get rid of the junk car in their yard as soon as possible. So when someone comes along that wants to buy a lot of stuff, they compromise on the total amount that they could have made.

So, brake upgrade, exhaust, engine (which I have), and a few other assorted (small) things are all I need for a complete (and drive safe) working swap. So far, I’m still on track to finish in the time I want. Of course, I’m making huge assumptions about how easy the engine stuff would go. I mean, I plan on putting in at least a full 20+ hours of work over the weekends.

A pro shop (with lifts, experience, and all needed parts) can do this in a day’s time. Assuming that’s two guys at 8 hours, that’s 16 man hours. I figure it should take me four times as long – 64 man hours which fits into doing three weekends at 20+ hours a week.

In any case, this weekend should be a yardstick that I can use to determine if I’ll be able to make my schedule.

Hate to Write and Run But. . .

So, the unsecured linksys router in my neighborhood is now secured. This means I no longer have reliable internet access at home. It’s now 1100pm and I’ve got ten minutes before my bus arrives so I can go home. Why am I out so late, well, I started this 3 hour research thing at 630p and realized after it finished that I’d have to wait about 90 more minutes so I could catch the last bus going to my apt.

Good news though, the $30 I earned should pay for most of my food this week! This is awesome because I’m going to essentially be on starvation rations for the rest of this month since all my available cash will be diverted towards paying the next month’s rent and fixing my car.

Even better news, I bought a new engine. I’m going from a stock m44 with 143k miles to a m52tu28 with about 122k. Sure, it cost about $500 more than replacing with another m44 and will likely be a bit more work to swap in. However, the extra 50HP or 100ft-lb will be worth it.

I further justify this by reminding myself that I’d planned on doing this anyway. . . just a couple years from now (when my current engine would have been older with maybe 35k more miles and the incoming engine with about what I’m getting now).

Likely, I’m going to have to goto a dealership to have my existing eyes aligned to the EWS-II module for the new engine. I hope that they’ll do it without me having to bring them the actual complete car. That would be such a hassle. I’d have to likely use another AAA Plus emergency tow. Then hope the engine stuff was done well enough to start so I can drive it away from the dealership.

In any case, like all my car projects, I’m under a time limit. Must finish all work before the July 4th weekend. I suppose I’ll be telling my parent’s about this. But I’d feel a lot better about it if I was doing it from the stance of “yeah, I know, but I’ve already fixed the problem so I don’t want to hear any more about it”.

Engine ships Wednesday. So, this weekend will likely be spent fixing the window regulator, bumper cover, removing the transmission, and disconnecting and labeling all the engine parts. I’m so excited!

I suppose someone has cursed me with “may you live in interesting times”. Well, I’m glad for it. Whoops. . . I really gotta run now.

Mundane Mundo

This is probably the blandest post this blog has ever seen. Why, because it’s just an snapshot of what is going on at the moment. Not that the others were not, but here I’m not really going to talk about my motivations, fears, plans, thoughts, or emotions. I’m just going to state what’s been going on.

So, I’ve been on the job for three days now. Unfortunately, yesterday was the start of a cold that has since gotten worse. I knew something was wrong when I woke up more than 2 hours later than I expected with no recollection of hearing my alarms. Then today that became 4 hours later.

I feel confident that by the end of this week, I’ll be past the initial warm-up period as I get acclimated to the new environment, people, and work I’ll be doing. I must say that CMU has a weird computing system in place and (in my view but probably I’d do the same if I was their master sys admin) draconian usage policies for their internet. Once again, I’m reminded of how superior RIT’s system has been compared to every other university that I’ve been a part of.

Car-wise, things are moving along. I’ve found a garage that I can rent for $25/mo. So, the car will be towed there this weekend. I’ve also located a replacement engine that I can get for about $150 less than I’d expected to pay. If things go smoothly, I should have the car running in time to drive to DC as I’ve planned in July without my parent’s ever knowing something was wrong. Well, I’ll likely tell them, but it will be after things are fixed.

My reading pace has dropped off since I was in high school. However, one thing being carless has afforded me is time to read. On the bus ride to and from work, I have about 45 minutes of reading time. The plan is to consume a book a day during the week (since weekends will be mostly me working on the car and being too tired and too dirty to pick up a book). I wonder how many kids of the current generation check out books the way I do now, much less the way I did when I was younger?