Let’s See You Dance, Sucka You Got Nothing on Me!

So, I spent a lot of time last night (night of 4.30.08) playing around on stickam. I must say. . . it’s a pretty interesting and strange place. Mostly dominated by white female teenagers. Despite the . . . broadcast yourself nature of the website (or at least it’s original intent), those who are actually using it for that purpose tend to be in the minority (and are mostly white males or groups of white males promoting themselves for some purpose – music, comedy, etc).

So, it is mostly used for people to meetup with friends online and chat about things while I guess their friends can watch them sit in front of a computer or laptop surfing the net. Maybe it’s just me. . .I’d rather go to someones house and chill or drink with them than do it over webcam.

But wait Kamkula. . what if you live in different cities, states, timezones? Hmm. . . I guess I could see that. I’ll withhold my judgment for a bit then.

So, earlier on, I’m trying to figure out my Saturday evening and I send a text message to CSC asking what they’re up to that night. Now, we’d been texting earlier in the day (maybe were going to hang out but that didn’t happen) so this wasn’t just out of the blue. Anyway, I get back in.bed.with.u and I’m looking at that thinking. . . man, I really did not pick up on this at all.

This is one of those moments when something happens, you want to react immediately, but some smart thing in the back of your mind stops you. So you sit down and think. If this were a sitcom, you’d see the star of the show (me), get a text message. Look at it. Put the phone down on his coffee table and sit down. Suddenly jump up and pick up the phone as if he’s about to do something, then put it back down and take a seat for a few minutes, all the while staring at the phone with his fist resting under his chin, in the classic The Thinker pose (I believe a sculpture done by Rodin if memory serves me right).

I opt for the safer response: LoL, that sounds good though I’ll need more comfort and flirting before that. How about . . . Yep. As Jon would say, I’m silky smooth

Be Proactive! That is the Key

Really, it is key with a lot of things. People just tend to live in their own bubble. I know I do. If you want to get my attention and pull me outside my bubble, you need to make the effort to call me, remind me, etc. I think this kind of behavior is well understood among friends, at least my closest friends.

We know that if we want something to happen, we can’t just lay about waiting for someone to call us, we instead call them. Get in their business or invite them to ours. The same applies to school, work, business, and relationships. The attention span of most girls is very small. You make a plan or mention an outing to one, especially one that isn’t that close, they’re likely going to forget or think it’s not important if you don’t call and remind them the day before or the day of.

Think about it. In your life, you’re used to events being handled that way. Why should they treat you any different? In fact, why do you expect to be treated better than they treat people they consider their good friends? Well, what’s the point of all this?

So, I’m thinking that I shouldn’t call or message ETC until she calls or messages me back from earlier this week. Then I realized that I was falling into similar traps that I’ve been in before. So after talking to Nate (whose back in town) and making plans to hang out tonight, I send her a message asking about her plans.

Apparently a friend of hers is in town so they were likely going to go out tonight (and perhaps why she didn’t bother to call me – because we tend to think that a “date” must be alone time between the two people). Well, I aim to change the way I treat “dates”. I think I talked a little about that here (click link).

So, I invited ETCand friend to hang out with me and Nate. I await the response but I think tonight will be a lot of fun if they come out. Certainly, there would be less tension since we’d both be out with friends and our interaction can be a bit more natural – the way people normally get to know each other.

I certainly didn’t go out to several dinners with any of my closest friends when we first met potentially ending in semi-awkward moments where we decide that maybe we’ll continue to hang out. We just did – doing stuff we were interested in and got to know each other.

I swear, the longer I live, the more I realize that I make certain things way too complicated. I’ve noticed this before, but even though guys (especially) decry this, I think everyone must unconsciously court a bit of drama into their lives. Perhaps it makes for interesting stories

Hell and Damnation

Tonight has been a pretty good ending to a pretty long week. However, I’m still very pissed off (at myself). Ah priorities. And after I’d said I’d lay off the Pittsburgh girls until the end of the summer. Well, I guess since she’s from Greensburgh, it doesn’t count. But anyway. . .

So, I decide tonight I’m going to check out a spot or two in the strip district (ended up only going to Firehouse Lounge) and see how things were in that side of town. Given that this is the last day of finals week, I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised on how scarce things were. After about an hour there, I decided to head over to my usual spot, the Tiki Lounge.

Tonight, I was in luck. Barbie was there, so we chatted a bit while she got my drinks (ahead of all the chumps who were waiting – perks of being friends with a bartenderess) and I went up to the dance floor. Somehow, the crowd that was there when I arrive had thinned out, so I headed to the front, started conversation with a couple people, but ultimately ended up back downstairs with Barbie.

While I’m there, these two hot numbers show up (I’d seen them walk in upstairs) and grab a seat. I go over and start talking to them. Immediately, one – Christina introduces herself to me. She later introduces her friend, Emily. They both head upstairs and a few minutes later I do as well, only to run into them on the dance floor.

I dance with Emily (strangely enough) for a while, then they both leave to go get drinks (well at least for Christina). It’s obvious they’ll be back but meanwhile, I notice another group of girls who are on the floor and start dancing with this 9.5 – Jessica.

Jessica is 27 and from Greensburg and apparently takes it upon herself to “teach” me what to do with women in the club lol. Unfortunately, since I was giving her more attention, I ignore Emily and Christina when they return and lose the opportunity to close them.

Obviously, nothing really happened with Jessica. It was a fun night, don’t get me wrong, but the ending was pretty frustrating. With the way things have been going in the past couple months, I may just end up with someone a couple years older than me.

The have the maturity level that matches me and I’m more or less at their level in life and experience. Given how attractive the people I’ve met have been, I see no problems with those prospects. Still, nights like this while fun and exciting can be quite frustrating.

Oh, I’d like to give a shout-out to my car. Without your superior handling and anti-cop beam, I probably would not make it home with wallet intact on nights like this. I love you .

On Indefinite Hold

So, I’ve had a crush on HEC (click here for more info) for the past couple months. There was a 2 week period where someone else managed to eclipse HEC (could also be hot enigmatic chick), but that went nowhere. Now, I hear through our mutual friend (the person through which we met) that (and I’m paraphrasing here) it’s nothing personal, HEC just needs time and space now to deal with certain issues.

While I wish I’d heard this from HEC herself, I suppose I’m fine that this has been resolved one way or the other. I did find it interesting that our friend felt a need to mention several times that:

1. My pursuit of HEC was ok in his book i.e. there’s no beef between us. I know that he and HEC are pretty close friends and that dynamic was always in the back of my mind. Still though, it was interesting that he felt he needed to reassure me. . .
2. I was the man. Not in those words, but there was some definite ego pumping. . .that I thought was unnecessary but I suppose given the semi-awkwardness of the conversation, I suppose he thought it was necessary.

Of course, I still don’t get to know how HEC actually felt about me in all this, but it all ends the same so I guess it doesn’t matter. Hopefully though, we can still continue to hang out. Now at least, I can just enjoy it for what it is, friends hanging out, and no longer need to think about any unspoken undercurrents. . .

Now I should just focus on finishing up this project, finding a job in CA for the summer, and stop concerning myself with Pittsburgh girls. . .at least not until I get back.

Bring the Noise!

So, BillO sends a producer to go try to get some sound bites for his story on whether the catholic church should take action against Michael Pfleger (a priest) for supporting Jeremiah Wright and Louis Fahrakhan. Unfortunately for BillO, his producer got owned:

Just When I had Given Up. . .

So, Monday night, I hang out with HockeyEngineerChick (from now on, HEC) and a couple friends of hers to watch the Penguins/Senators game. Good game and I’d decided ahead of time that Monday night was the night. No more of the dancing around the bush games, I needed to know for sure where HEC stood.

However, after it was over, she seemed like she was in a rush to get home, I punked out, and didn’t get a satisfactory answer. Tuesday and Wednesday, I sent HEC a text message inviting her out for some fun this weekend, called a couple times, but zero response. I get an invite from a HS buddy to hang out with her friends and catch a movie Friday night, so I opt for that instead and figure that perhaps there was nothing with HEC after all.

Meanwhile, similar stuff with EnglishTeacherChick (henceforth, ETC). Call, text, no response. I figure perhaps that’s out as well. So, I figure Saturday night, I’d go out and replenish my phone list. Then on my way to Tiki Lounge, I get a call from CuteShortChick (henceforth, CSC), with whom I’d pretty much went through this stuff the previous week.

CSC apologizes for not responding to my messages, busy week, lotsa work, what am I up to? We chat a bit, she’s going out with some friends, but they end up not coming over to the southside. Then today, as I’m working on the DSP final, I get a call from ETC. Sorry, been busy last week with work, wanted me to know she’s sorry about not responding. Cool.

Then a few minutes ago, HEC is online . Hey, sorry I didn’t respond last week, busy with work then had to go take care of some family stuff. Hmm. Ok.

So, it looks like I’m back in the game. Not thinking about HEC has actually been good for my school work this past week. Now I need to focus and finish this final. I predict an all-nighter is in the works. . . and lots of day dreaming.

I’m not sure why I’m so fascinated with HEC. I don’t think I’ve had a crush on anyone. . . except Dorca in the past five years. Even then, I knew pretty quickly where I stood with Dorca. Perhaps what I’m enjoying is the whole drama of the situation. Things have definitely been interesting between us.

Stop Being a Punk

Something which comes up whenever I’m taking a test or doing homework where I’m unsure of how well I know the material ( in spite of me actually paying attention in class and more or less doing the homework [correctly] ) is the feeling that I CAN’T solve a particular problem because I don’t know how to begin.

What usually happens is that I move on to other problems that I feel I can answer, then come back later and tackle the problematic one a little later. Usually, I attribute my new-found abilities to solve the problem to my mind working on it in the background. Or some aspect of solving another problem gave me a clue that I needed.

While that may be true, I’m starting to realize that in reality, I actually knew what I was doing all along. I was just too afraid to try. Then, after I complete all the easy stuff, I have no choice but to actually begin work on the hard stuff. . . to do otherwise would be to fail the test.

Yet, I’ve found in lower pressure situations (homework assignments or my current take-home final), that the truth is, I actually knew what I was doing. Today, I’m staring at part 2 of problem 1, trying to figure out what to do, telling myself that I apparently don’t know the material as well as I thought. About 30 minutes later, I say to myself, well, I might as well just start on it and figure out the rest later.

As soon as I started writing, i saw the solution. It was right there! All I needed to do was start the problem. I guess it does mean that I don’t understand the material as well as I’d like. In cases when I do, I can just look at a problem and immediately envision how to start and the steps that would lead me to the solution. However, in cases like this, if I just start the problem, that’s almost enough to connect the missing link in my mind.

I’m starting to think I create a lot of anxiety in my life for no reason at all. I’m going to make a conscious effort to just do or start things, rather than waiting until I can see the clear path from start to finish. I will never be able to understand everything well enough that I can play it out from start to finish in my head. However, if I’m confident in my skills, things will likely work out.

It’s funny that I’m this way when it comes to certain things, like writing firmware for embedded systems, or working on robotics projects. . . I guess it’s just that I’ve already learned to trust myself when it comes to those things, mainly because my passion lies in those areas so I never let myself quit or get down just because I felt I didn’t know the immediate solutions. However, in other parts of my life, where I’m not as driven, I’m also not as confident.

Hmm. . . those are interesting observations. Passion/drive = confidence/success (sometimes – well, enough that I’m happy). And I can substitute (sometimes) determination/willpower for passion/drive.

And Gladness Filled the Land

If I could sing, I’d sing the song of happiness.

Yes, I can shout, I proclaim my heart is full.

My worries quenched, my soul is happy,

because my friend, my friend is here to stay.

If I could draw, I’d draw us sitting together.

If I could paint, I’d brush a mural.

I’m glad I met you and that I can be there for you,

to put a smile, to brighten up your day.

Nate’s father once told me that good friends are hard to come by. I know that to be true, given that I’ve had very few at any given time. I’m really blessed that at this point of my life, I’ve got five on that list. This is the most I’ve ever had at a time. People I can discuss almost anything with, perhaps not with any one particular person, but amongst all of them. Friends that share my ambitions, my politics, my confusion, my happiness, and my pain.

A few minutes ago, I realized that my worries were unfounded. You have no idea how happy that made me. I thought that it didn’t bother me too much. That I was shouldering it ok. But clearly, there is a huge weight off my chest. Another friend, from the past with whom we’re slowly getting reacquainted has mentioned a few times in the past couple days that I sounded different. I suppose that despite my abilities to deadpan jokes, when I feel hurt, when I’m worried, or concerned, I’m unable to hide that from others. Or maybe it was so fresh, I didn’t have time to bury it deep inside like other things.

I hate scabs. . . they cover wounds, heal over, yes, but they still leave an ugly mark. I’m glad there is one less for me. This must be my reward for working so hard these past two days. I’m definitely going to keep it up. Perhaps this week will continue to delight and surprise me even more than it already has.
________________________________________________________________

Oh, another cool thing. So, I participated in the olympiad at Trinity with the RIT robotics club. Myself, Alex, and Alan. Well, turns out we won second place! The team (including me) each won an AVR butterfly! Even more awesomeness, MDRC also won the spirit of competition award.

I find it interesting that the groups I get involved with, particularly those involving robotics, always tend to win awards like this. We may not always do well in the actual competition, but we always come out as knowledgeable, friendly, and helpful. I suppose I’m attracted to similar kinds of people. We always get involved in too many things, stretching ourselves in classwork, robotics, helping with homework, and other things. I’m really proud of those guys.

Since I need to visit Rochester some time in the next month or so to pick up my prize and some stuff I forgot in Hartford, I really need to think of a way that I can show these guys how impressed and proud I am. Definitely need discuss with Nate on how we can surprise MDRC.

Frustratingly Out of My Grasp

I spend too much time thinking about you, your smile, your laugh, your curves your touch.

I spend too much time trying to decipher you our chats, our texts, the times we hang out.

I call you and you don’t answer. I invite you and you don’t come. I go out of town and you call me.

Two ships, passing in the moonlight. Drifting, strangely attracted, yet shying away.

We go out with friends, then conveniently lose them, our dancing intense, our flirting light hearted.

Perhaps it’s just me, painting your actions with the brush of my interest. Perhaps it’s just me,

reading too much into this.

I’m tired of this, going week by week frustrated. I’m tired of this, having you avoid my directness.

I know you are smart, yet you manage to evade me. Something about that, I find so refreshing.

Yet sexy and mysterious as you may be, I’m a little too lonely. If you must continue to play this game,

then enjoy the moment. I’m done with pursuing, through jumping your hoops. Now if you want me

you’ll need to hit the books.

Context is Everything

For a while, the term “scamming on a squirrel” has come up in conversation with some of my friends. Since I’ve always been good at context clue exercises, I was able to figure out the meaning without knowing the reference and could continue the conversation. However, this past weekend, when they made other references that could not be puzzled out, they finally told me where it was from: An online series called We Need Girlfriends that has actually been bought by CBS. I’ve supposed to have been finishing up my DSP project (sorta due today) but instead have spent the last 2.5 hours watching the first nine episodes.

So, I left the room/office where I have desk space to goto the library (because the room doesn’t have an AC outlet and my laptop battery died [coincidentally, this is why I stopped at episode 9]) and I my train of thought continued along the show, friends I’m going to have watch it, and stuff in my life and I realized that context is very important.

In almost all elementary, middle, and high school english courses with the exception of senior english (which focuses exclusively on literature and analysis, rather than grammar and vocabulary), one of the major skills we hone is that of using context clues to infer meanings or determine the appropriate word to complete a sentence.

However, context is important to almost all interactions in life. We use it to tell when someone is being serious or sarcastic and plan our reactions accordingly. However, there are times when those skills fail us. I’m starting to realize that this occurs when I use incorrect assumptions to inform my view of the context of a conversation or interaction. This generally occurs due to a snowball effect.

There is something I want to happen and I color my view of what’s going on through the subject lens of my desires, and not necessarily the objective one of reality. And while realizing this and giving more conscious thought to it will be useful, particularly in interactions and relationships with the opposite sex, as soon as I wrote the title for this post, I realized that context is also very important for robotics and artificial intelligence.

There are many big problems in robotics/AI that are awaiting solutions. For example, there is a computer vision problem of training a robot (or computer) to identify human beings in any given picture. Or really anything. One recent example I saw was a picture of a rabbit in a front yard or something. Now, I knew from the caption or whatever I read that there was a rabbit there, however, when I first looked, I didn’t see it.

Similar things happen to us all the time. The phrase “it was in the last place I looked”, aside from being extremely redundant (how many times do you continue looking after you’ve found something?), also highlights this. Whenever I’m looking for something, I check where I expect to see it. I have an idea of what should be in what place. In other words, I form the context of the environment in which my thing resides, then start looking. Show me a forest picture and ask me to identify animals, I may quickly point out the rabbits. Show me one of someone’s messy bedroom and ask me to identify animals, I may miss the brown colored rabbit because it looks like a dirty shirt. Well, not really, but I expect to see a dirty shirt, so my mind glosses over the fact that it’s actually a rabbit.

I’m going to start looking for papers that look at applying context to computer vision, pattern recognition, or reasoning problems in robotics. I’m still trying to figure out what exactly I’d like to work on (though I may still need to tailor it to fit into the overall work being done by whoever becomes my research adviser), but every once in a while, I get ideas like this and it’s pretty exciting because I always feel inadequate as a researcher, like I have a really hard time coming up with innovative or original ideas, but maybe it’s something that happens to everyone. . .